Mazzranache the Rare Pink Flamingo

I have poor impulse control. I have to force myself to avoid eye contact with the candy at the cash registers in grocery stores. It’s often hard for me not to charge — as a Holy Priest, no less — the enemy eyeing our base from the bridge in Eye of the Storm. And, more often than not, I excitedly hit whatever heal sounds best at the moment. Fortunately, it seems to work out for me, but it’s far from the optimal strategy.

Because of my poor impulse control, I’ve done some pretty stupid things in games. But there’s one in particular that still bothers me to this day when I think of it. It just makes me feel so stupid.

Back in classic WoW, TG and I were in a guild with about six other real-life friends. Our guild leader had befriended people outside the guild and did most of his gaming with them since he was much faster to reach the level cap than the rest of us. Once TG and I hit that cap, we befriended some of them too.

After I abandoned my hunter in favor of a new Mage, I quickly reached 60 again, and our new friends were all the happier. Sheep and Counterspell? Fabulous.

Now and then we’d tag along with this other guild on adventures through Scholomance or UBRS. We were even invited along to Thunder Bluff to put the hurt down on Cairne Bloodhoof once.

I was excited but nervous. We were going to be pulling Cairne down some cliffside to our awaiting team. Well, the point of this story is not really to detail Bloodhoof’s demise. If I recall correctly, that went swimmingly. However, after we killed him, we were all grouped up near Thunder Bluff waiting for an Alterac Valley to pop. I should point out that their guild members were on Vent, but TG and I were not.

I noticed that right nearby, a lowbie in their guild was getting beaten on by a low level mob. My immediate impulse was “Defend! Help!” So, I did what any supreme master of the arcane arts would do and shot a burst of fire at his pink featheriness.

That was the exact moment that my world came crashing down around me.

Never has a single Fire Blast caused so much yelling and chastising. Well, they had apparently reiterated over and over not to attack that rare spawn pink flamingo, since the lowbie hunter getting pounded on was getting ready to tame it. Only, the message had only gone out over Vent, and TG and I did not hear it.

I was horrified. I was just trying to help at the time, but suddenly I was being accused of intentionally griefing this Hunter. They were all yelling, except for a close friend of mine in their guild who was trying to fix things over Vent while he whispered to me what I’d done wrong. At the start of all the clamor, I still didn’t even know why I was being attacked.

I was beside myself. Sobbing. Of course my poor impulse control extends to my tear ducts as much as anything else. I was trying desperately to apologize and explain. I was just trying to help.

Finally I logged out on the spot.

TG was still logged in and trying to console me. The yellers didn’t know I wasn’t on Vent. The yellers didn’t know I was a girl. And, the yellers felt bad for making me cry.

And all this? This is exactly why we can’t join a guild. I am overly sensitive with painfully poor impulse control. A real guild would eat me for breakfast, much like I wish I’d done with the meat of that atrocious flamingo.

[Photo Credit: jprich of wowhead]


About Amanda

Amanda is a 20-something flailing gamer. While she loves MMORPGs, the company in them often triggers flare-ups of her social anxiety. Her all-time favorite games include Everquest Online Adventures, Eternal Sonata, the Animal Crossing series, Katamari Damacy, and Rhapsody: A Musical Adventure. She lives on junk food, and her favorite books are equally trashy. She doesn't believe in putting two spaces after a period, but she does strongly believe in the serial comma. Unfortunately, she has a penchant for starting sentences with "and" and "but;" hopefully you won't hold that, or her excessive use of semicolons, against her.

One response »

  1. […] attempt to destroy all guilds that allow us to get close. After all, it’s not like it’s the first time something like this has happened. Advertisement GA_googleAddAttr("AdOpt", "1"); GA_googleAddAttr("Origin", "other"); […]

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