I’ve mentioned my social anxiety before. I don’t know how specific I’ve been about my particular issues, but they affect me daily, just as they affect my online gaming daily.
I can’t handle any confrontation or criticism (implied or directly stated), even when I’m just hearing something aimed at other people. These kinds of things leave me shaking and fighting back tears. Even a too-strongly-worded “wrong way” to the Huttball ball carrier can leave me near to hyperventilation.
Sometimes I even have to log off and cry, but that’s usually when the perceived attack is aimed at me. Other things can set me off too, like an enemy taunting me (even chaining /laugh at me really triggers me). A few days ago, an Empire character said to TG’s Vanguard “Your screams of agony are delicious [misspelled character name]” which really bothered me.
Because of all this, I was a little wary about posting my most recent post about how I’m just kind of over SWTOR. I knew that a surplus of fans would be at the ready to champion their game, just as I mentioned in my post. Fortunately I’m not very popular, so it’s not like thousands of forum-goers were going to show up and argue me back into the game.
So, I really wasn’t surprised when I got called out on Twitter by one person. I did delight a little in the fact that, even though I posted that I felt it was ridiculous to be expected to wait around for the game to get good, I was being prompted to just give it time. But, overall? It really stressed me out.
Nothing mean was said in the least. Even just that little of what I perceived to be an attack made me weak in the knees. I know many people would just suggest that I get a thicker skin before going online, but, really? Would you suggest someone with depression just be a little happier before trying to life?
I have mental health issues that affect all social interactions that I take part in. For crying out loud, I’m terrified of the checker at the grocery store telling me I slid my card through the reader incorrectly. TG has to do most of the shopping because of this.
I’m not trying to ask the Internet to treat me with kid gloves, but I think it would be nice for everyone to try to remember that there’s a human on the other side of that character who might be terrified to tears when you start trash talking.